Porn Again Pastor

Ah, Ted, Ted, Ted. Just when we'd started to forget about you, it turns out you've got a movie in the pipeline! You're turning into another Isaiah Washington. Same advice, BTW: don't speak in public. Ever. (Or, y'know, *do*: it's amusing the fuck out of us.)

Linda Stasi, January 18, 2007 -- ONE look at Alexandra Pelosi's newest HBO documentary, "Friends of God," and it's clear that this big apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Yup, Nancy Pelosi's equally smart, equally liberal New York kid is at it again.

Last time out, she took on George-the-Younger's first presidential campaign, and this time out she's taking on his biggest constituency, Christian evangelicals, between 50-to-80 million strong. That's a hell, er, heckuva lotta voters.

The two things that weren't in place when Pelosi finished the film - and the two things that now make it so powerful - are also the most startling.

First is that her mother, Nancy, would become Speaker of the House

The other is that the "star" of her documentary, Pastor Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, which represents 30-million parishioners, would get caught - close to literally - with his pants down.

Within days of wrapping the film, Haggard was caught up in gay prostitution/illegal drug allegations and stepped down in a scandal that rocked the evangelical world. Because of that scandal, his out-of-nowhere sex chat in this film takes on a whole other, darker meaning. It's a big, big yech moment.

When asked why, according to a survey, that evangelicals claim to have the best sex lives, Haggard turns spontaneously to a couple of evangelical studs nearby and asks: "How many times a week do you have sex with your wife?"


Then, worse, "How many times does she climax?"

Like I said, "yech!"

(The answers, by the way, were "twice" and "always." )

Yeah, OK. Um, guys...? Are you quite sure your wives would answer that question the same way...? BTW, I dispute the premise that people who presumably waited til marriage "have better sex lives." Practice makes perfect, peeps. Anyway:

Luckily Pelosi didn't ask Haggard, or he'd have had to answer something like: "Once with my wife, and once with Larry the hooker."

Um, Linda? The hooker's name is Mike. (Google is your friend, sweetie.)

Haggard isn't the only wolf-whistle stop on Pelosi's trip. She visits several mega-churches that draw thousands and thousands of worshippers every Sunday and also stops at the home of a young couple with 10 kids.

The wife, dressed like a pioneer (did Jesus hang out in Dodge?) says she once told her then-future hubby that she'd only live with him, not marry him, because she didn't want marriage getting in the way of her plans to become a high-powered lawyer and the first female president.

She now says she's happier

barefoot and pregnant. Yeah, OK. You keep tellin' yourself that, sister.