Doctor Who 5X04 "The Time of Angels" by Steven Moffat

“The Time of Angels’” opening sequence tells us we don’t know jack about River Song, the character introduced so memorably in last season’s Moffat-penned “Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead” two-parter, and played by the wonderful Alex Kingston (ER, Moll Flanders). Yes, she’s an archaeologist/adventurer cut from the mold of Indiana Jones. And yes, she may well be the Doctor’s wife (in his future/her past), but this teaser reframes her as a classic femme fatale, to boot, right down to her 1940s-era costume, hair & make-up, a stylistic masterstroke.

We meet her very much as we usually meet Indy -- at the conclusion of a caper. It's the 51st century. River has broken into a vault on the Star Liner Byzantium, the crash of which she alluded to in her appearance last season. But the caper appears to have gone wrong. After burning some hieroglyphs into the cover of a metal box (for reasons unknown), she's retreating empty handed. She ends up cornered by the bad guy—Alastair—and his armed goons at an airlock door.

"Wait til she runs," he tells the goons. "Don't make it look like an execution."

So why is River Song smiling?

“Sorry, Alastair,” she says, oozing confidence and sex appeal. “I needed to see what was in your vault.” He wishes. He knows that hallucinogenic lipstick is her calling card. Perhaps he knows all too well.

But before he can take his revenge, she plays her hole card, ordering up an emergency extraction across 12 millennia of space and time! There’s clearly no question in her mind that the TARDIS will be waiting for her on the other side of that airlock. After all, she’s left The Doctor a message he’s sure to see, a message in Old High Gallifreyan, the lost language of his forebears. (Does she know this language in her professional capacity or is she, herself, an Old High Gallifreyan? Sure, she died in her last appearance... no regeneration... but she specifically told the Doctor that his plan, which she ended up implementing herself, would "kill you dead, and don't think you'll regenerate." If she was a Gallifreyan, the same would go for her.)

In a museum circa AD17,100, the Doctor and Amy Pond contemplate the Gallifreyan hieroglyphs on the same box. “There were days," he begins, solemnly. "There were many days these words could burn stars, and raise up empires, and topple gods.”

“What does this say?” asks Amy.

It says, “hello, sweetie.” :)

Cut to surveillance video from the 51st Century. River looks dead at the camera and winks at us – at him. How could he not love her? She’s wooing him across time and space.

“Do you even know what's in your hold?" River asks Alastair. "Because I'll tell you something: this ship won't reach its destination." She looks at her watch. "Like I said on the dance floor, you might want to find something to hang onto.” Music swells as River blows Alastair a kiss, trips the airlock, and hurtles through space right into The Doctor’s waiting arms. “Follow that ship!” she orders.

Cue title sequence, take a deep breath, and ask yourself: has this show ever been better?

The answer is: hell fucking no.

And if there’s any doubt on that score, the immensely entertaining chase sequence that follows should settle it, as River schools The Doctor on how to properly drive and park the TARDIS with her high heels dangling from the console monitor. Surely, this is the sci-fi equivalent of leaving her pantyhose to dry on his shower rack.

Safe to say, the Doctor is not amused. “Come along, Pond,” he harrumphs. “Let’s have a look.” But as soon as River steps out of the TARDIS, he bars the door, intent on fleeing.

“Why?” demands Amy.

“Because she’s the future, my future.”

“Can you run away from that?” asks Amy, sensibly, and without a trace of irony.

“I can run away from anything I like. Time is not the boss of me.” But intimacy issues are, it seems. Luckily, "Pond" isn’t about to let him do a runner, despite the fact that she's in the middle of one of her own. She knows how to push his buttons, too, albeit in a way that puffs him up. “You promised me a planet," implores the protege. "Five minutes.”

“Five minutes. That’s all. Because I’m telling you now, that woman is not dragging me into anything!”

K.

The scene outside is catastrophic. The Byzantium has crashed into a long-abandoned alien temple.

River wastes no time dropping the other shoe: “There’s a thing in the belly of that ship that can’t ever die.” She looks at Amy, smug, knowing she’s got him. “Now, he’s listening.”

And so they compare diaries--"Have we done The Bone Meadows?"--and we meet River’s team, a band of 51st century Christian Soldiers led by Father Octavian, Bishop 2nd class. Amy: “You’re letting people call you ‘sir.’ You never do that.” For the first time, she’s seeing the side of The Doctor that worked for UNIT. The professor becomes the officer.

“A weeping angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most malevolent, most powerful lifeform evolution has ever produced. And right now one of them is trapped inside that wreckage. And I’m supposed to climb in after it with a screwdriver and a torch, and assuming I survive the radiation long enough and assuming the whole ship doesn’t explode in my face, do something incredibly clever which I haven’t actually thought of yet. That’s my day. That’s what I’m up to. Any questions?”

Well, one. “Is River Song your wife?’ Amy Pond keeps her eye on the ball. She continues to be The One Who Asks Smart Questions.

Incidentally, Christian Soldiers to fight (Weeping) Angels… Very good. And of course, these warrior-priests are not quite trust-worthy. Neither is Doctor Song.

Octavian: “He doesn’t know yet, does he, who & what you are.”

“It’s too early in his time stream,” River admits.

“Well, make sure he doesn’t work it out or he’s not gonna help us.”

“I won’t let you down. Believe you me, I have no intention of going back to prison.”

River's connection to the Doctor has been made more complicated, more enigmatic—and potentially more sinister—than it seemed last season. But that was Professor Song at the end of her life, her relationship with The Doctor fully matured. This is Doctor Song, who is far more Temple of Doom than Last Crusade.

Is Doctor Song genuinely in love with him yet, or is she just waiting to plant a big, wet hallucinogenic lipstick kiss on him?

Or is it--deliciously--a bit of both?

“You’re so his wife,” Amy concludes.

“Amy, Amy, Amy. This is The Doctor we’re talking about. Do you really think it could be something that simple?” Amy thinks it can, yes, and ultimately she’s right – we watched River sacrifice her life so The Doctor could live rather than let him do the same for her – but at this moment? Their relationship is anything but simple, as befits the early days of a time-crossed romance.

By the way, what did she really inject Amy with? And how creepy was all that stone dust coming out of Amy's eye?

I haven't said much about the plot, because -- fantastically -- the characters and relationships are by far the most compelling thing here. (It was rare to be able to say that during RTD's tenure.) But the plot itself is well-executed and suspenseful. The Angels remain genuinely creepy and very effective, perhaps even moreso here than in "Blink." The kids must have been watching from behind the couch.

For sure, the Angels are the best recurring baddies the show has by miles. They make the Daleks look like The Wombles. (Though maybe the Daleks do that all by themselves.)

So, basically, another homerun. That’s two so far, and a stand-up triple with the very cool, 2000AD-esque "Beast Below." I didn’t care for the Dalek ep, but that’s not unusual for me. Still, three out of four so far is nothin' to sneeze at, and a better gold-to-crap ratio than I ever expected during the first four seasons.

Next week: Part 2. Can't wait!